I probably should give credit to WordPress and their daily prompts for this post, but to be truthful I would have to give more credit to Suze and her funny post regarding the word of the day. When I saw the prompt yesterday, I couldn’t even face looking at what others were posting in response, let alone think about it on a personal level.
Buff? Do the gurus at WP have any idea how that word strikes terror in the hearts of anyone who struggles with weight and body image? I tried valiantly to refocus my immediate and highly self-judgmental image of buff into some neutral zone, like classic car restoration or polishing the silverware I inherited from my grandmother–neither of which I can claim to have much expertise in.
For me to even conceptualize the idea that I might someday evidence a shred of buffness would involve more mental exercise and honest self-examination than I have the strength for. I’m way too busy ranting about the state of the world and indulging myself in the crazy idea that we should be able to expect our leaders to demonstrate some trace of decision making based on positive values and goals for the well-being of everyone. How can I focus on the changes I need to make to stop the runaway train of overeating and lazing around on the couch instead of getting some exercise other than walking to the kitchen for another snack?
Please don’t go all hippy-dippy and cosmic on me and suggest that I should “be the change I want to see” or some such new-age reality check that I don’t want to think about. I’ve tried almost everything: “Make friends with your fat.” (Oh heavens doesn’t that one make you want to throw up?) “Love yourself at whatever weight you are.” (If I was able to do that, I wouldn’t be in this mess!) “Taking a walk makes you feel so much better.” (Well, okay, but who notifies the black flies, mosquitoes and ticks that I’m heading out to the field to get some exercise? I suppose maybe if I contracted some mosquito- or tick-borne disease I might lose weight, but that seems a little desperate!)
I could go on and on. See how good I am at excuses and shifting the focus? I think I’ve come up with a simple solution, though. In my next life I plan to be a sumo wrestler.